When I was little, I used to walk around with my parents and I would see these women looking all put together, looking like they had their lives figured out. Super well dressed & confident while they were walking holding their Dior & Chanel shopping bags. Ever since, that is the kind of woman I have wanted to become, unapologetic, confident, fashionable & basically a boss babe.
Why am I writing about this? Well, because I wanted to share my story and experience on how I got to where I am today regarding my confidence and positivity as it wasn’t always like this. I was bullied most of my life, and that is something most people don’t know because I am always “happy” & smiling and just being positive, but in fact, I spent all my years since I was 7 until I was 16 with depression, anxiety and up to a point, self-harm. I am comfortable talking about this now because I know how much I have changed and how even though it is hard, it is a part of me at the end of the day. I still feel like mental health is not talked about enough so that is the main reason why I wanted to share how i got my confidence and happiness back after losing it for so long.
Of course each person is different and in no way, shape or form I am saying that if you do everything I say you will be confident because it all starts with your perception, but these are different things that have helped me throughout the years to become the woman I am today.
- Understand why you are not confident and happy. It sounds obvious but it is not until you truly realize and understand that you are not ok that you can start making changes to improve that. For a long time I just went along with not being fine, it was my new normal, so I didn’t feel like I needed to change anything, I was that way and that was it. It wasn’t until something clicked in my head that I realized that what I was feeling should not be the normal and that I deserved to be confident and happy as much as everyone else. I realized the reasons that made me that way and what things I had to change personally and with a lot of work in order to make it happen. THAT is when the real change happens.
- Stop comparing yourself. It is easier said than done, I am well aware of that. Being honest, I am guilty of this and I am pretty sure so are you. We are constantly comparing ourselves to people that for us are “perfect” but they may be going through a lot of issues we don’t know about as well. Social media is all about portraying that perfect life, when in fact, it just doesn’t exist. One thing may look perfect for someone, and not for someone else, so it all comes to be pretty subjective. Stop comparing your body, your style and your life to others, you are you, you are an individual and yes you are going to be different. That is the actual fun of it. It has taken me so long to accept the way I am, and I am still working on my body confidence. Standards of beauty are just stupid and we all have our own bodies, metabolisms and shapes. I am not saying you can’t be inspired by someone but at the same time, do not try to reach unrealistic expectations with someone that is completely different from your body type or metabolism. I am well aware I will never look like a Victoria’s Secret model, my body is shaped like a pear instead of hourglass, my thighs are pretty thick and I naturally have a muffin top on my stomach, no mater how hard I try to get rid of it, and I am COMPLETELY FINE WITH IT.
- Write things down. For a period of time in my life, I felt like I could not talk to people about my struggles. I felt like I would get judged or laughed at so instead of just keeping everything to myself, I would write it down. You have no idea how much that can help you, from having all your feelings bottled up to being able to express yourself freely with no judgement, your mental health will appreciate that. It can be either in a journal or a normal notebook, whatever you feel most comfortable with.
- Overcome self-doubt. Another hard one to achieve but completely worth it once you notice your results. we have all self-doubted ourselves at some stage in our life. Being honest, it is just in your head. You just need to keep pushing yourself and put yourself in uncomfortable situations, was i hard at the start? YES. Was it worth it though? YES. An example of this was, I hated my body, like properly hate it. now I still don’t love it 100% but I am getting there. One of my biggest fears was wearing bikinis. I know it sounds stupid for some people but I couldn’t do that. What did I do? Any opportunity I had I would force myself to wear a bikini. Beach day? Bikini. Pool? Bikini. No swimsuits, no cover ups no nothing, BIKINI. I also forced myself to not cover my tummy area which is the one I was more insecure and to this day I still am. Doing it as often as the weather let me, I started doing this and by the end of summer I could not care less if people were looking or not, judging or not.
- Change your body language. Doing it is when I felt the most change. it is incredible how the way you carry yourself around or how pose when you talk to people can change how you feel and their perception of you. Maintain eye contact when you talk to people, stand straight, keep a posture that makes you feel good and confident and genuinely your mind will just follow. I started walking to places like a owned the place, and honestly, how people started to react made my confidence go up.
Hopefully these steps can be the start of your confidence and happiness take a turn. I would really love to know what are the things that help you get more confident and happy so please let me know either in the comments down below or on my Instagram!